Operation: Kill Santa
by No One Reads Bad Fanfics
Summary: When you're eight years old, sometimes you do things without thinking. Planning to kill Santa Claus because he kissed your mom definitely falls on that list. A Christmas tale about the joys of childhood and misunderstanding.
1. Preface

**Author's Starting Notes:** If you've clicked on this, I'm sure you have a sense of humor, either that or you were curious as to what the heck I was smoking when I thought of this. If you're the later of the two choices I just mentioned the answer is nothing for I would never smoke, I believe in hugs not drugs. Now, all the oddness aside let me to speak about my idea. This came to me while I was prancing through the Sahara desert with my pet dementor, Alondon…. Okay, so, maybe it didn't. Truthfully, my friend and I were talking on IM and she kept typing in the lyrics to _'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus'_ and unsurprisingly, I thought to write a story about it. So, this story is about a young blonde who decides she's going to kill Santa because he kissed her mom and drags her brother along for the ride. Yeah, you can guess who this story is about.

**Summary:** When you're eight years old, sometimes you do things without thinking. Planning to kill Santa Claus because he kissed your mom definitely falls on that list. A Christmas tale about the joys of childhood and misunderstanding.

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**Prologue:**

I have a tale for you today

About a girl and a boy and Santa's sleigh

In this tale, you will see

What happened one Christmas in Albuquerque

There was a young girl about the age of eight

She may have been sick but her thirst was great

She didn't want to move so she gave her mother a call

But with no answer she crept down the hall

She heard a hearty laugh and wondered who

Would be at her house, half past two

There was her mother and a mystery man

Who had the whitest beard in all the land

His stomach was large and it moved like a sheet

As he scooped up her mother right off her feet

Her mother tickled him and leaned in for the kiss

Who knew Santa was on Mommy's list?

There was her mother, that much she could tell

Just watching them kiss made her anger swell

She was bubbling mad and she was fit to scream

They pulled apart and her mother gleamed

He turned around and she caught sight

Her mother was kissing Santa that night!

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**End Author's Note:** So, that was my opening poem. Is anyone interested in reading? If you are, review, if you aren't review, if you have no idea what the heck I'm talking about, review, if you haven't caught the message of this section, it is **REVIEW!!!!**


	2. Chapter One

**Title:** Operation: Kill Santa

**Summary:** When you're eight years old, sometimes you do things without thinking. Planning to kill Santa Claus because he kissed your mom definitely falls on that list. A Christmas tale about the joys of childhood and misunderstanding.

**Author's Note:** Things are different with this story. As it is a Christmas type story, I'm gonna be cute and write rhyme like and also, in advance as I'm not leaving another author's note, sorry for the short chapter... as odd as this may be I'm not sure if I'll be able to update really quick, I'll try to but just in case I can't...

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!**

_Have a sweet New Year too_

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**Chapter One:**

Snowflakes glistening, children listening, grandparents telling stories, too, joyous laughter ringing, and carolers singing, the perfect holiday, through and through. The spirit of the season was up and about turning every scowl, smirk, and frown for miles, into the largest of holiday smiles. Nearly everyone you saw had a reason to grin yet there was one person with a downcast chin. There was one person who was angry and annoyed. There was one person who wasn't filled with winter joy. There was one person who hated this day. And that one person was named Sharpay.

She hated the cookies and the eggnog all the same, but what she hated the most had many names. The father of Christmas, the guy with the list, ole Red, Santa Claus, dear old St. Nick, she hated that man with all her might and she pledged to get him within a fortnight.

"I'll get rid of Santa," said she one day, "I'll loosen the reindeer on his stupid sleigh. I'll make them loose and when he lifts off, he'll fall to the ground with a… cer-plof. He'll die from the fall and I will be glad, how dare Mommy kiss him instead of Dad."

That girl didn't get it, she just didn't understand, she saw him kiss her mother, and, so, she made up a plan. She'd make sure he'd never be in the way, even if it meant no gifts on Christmas day. She had to stop him from ruining her life. Her mommy was her mommy and her daddy's wife. She was sick of him coming once every year, filling everyone in town with holiday cheer, making her happy then leaving her mad, as he got the kiss instead of her dad. He'd done it forever, well, only a year or three, but Sharpay was as sick of it as a young girl could be. It had taken a while but now she was certain, she had to kill her favorite burden. She needed help and help she'd find, in the one person who was stuck with her since the beginning of time.

"Oh, Ryan," she sang as she skipped up the stairs. She then saw her brother with his matted blonde hair.

"Sharpay, what you want? I was sleeping, okay? Why not come back some other day?"

"No, Ryan, right now, we've got to start, or else we'll have a daddy with no heart"

"No heart? What? What's wrong with our dad?"

"Nothing, it's just, he'll be really sad"

"Why? I passed my classes this time"

"Ryan, have you noticed that we always rhyme? Every word we say and everything we do, rhymes with something else"

"That's not true!"

"See, it just happened again! We're like a Christmas classic, my dumb little friend"

"I'm not dumb, you brat, just what do you need? Tell me quick, and tell me with speed"

"I need you to help me kill off that old coot, he's been around long enough, time for the boot"

"What old guy do you want to kill? Because there's this one guy on Bunker Hill-"

"I don't want that guy, I want another one instead, Ryan, I want… I want Santa dead"

"Santa!? Not Santa Claus, surely another bearded fool"

"Ryan, how many Santa's do you know in our school?"

"None, but we can't kill old Saint Nick"

"Yes, we can and we gotta do it quick. For the past three years, I've been keeping track. He kisses our mom and doesn't look back. She always tickles him and giggles a lot. In her heart, he's taking Daddy's spot. He'll be the cause of our parents divorce"

"Did you get hit on the old golf course? Santa's too cool to do something so wrong"

"Uh huh, then why did they write a song? They wrote a song about Santa kissing Mommies and now he's kissing ours. If we don't stop him soon, we'll need some flowers"

"Do the flowers have bees, because I'm not that brave"

"We'll need the flowers for Daddy's grave! I'm stopping Santa and you will too, because we're in this together, me and you. Besides, if I go down I'm taking you with me bub"

"Like when you fell into Granny Smith's tub"

"There was water on the floor it wasn't my fault"

"Just like when you opened the candy vault"

"I was hungry and I found the key"

"Under the pillow in the-"

"Just let me be! Ryan, come on, we have to get to work. We've got to stop that bloated, blasted, ugly, old jerk"

"We're getting coal this year, aren't we, sis?"

"Ry, for this, we'll be stuck on the naughty list"

"Then why are we doing it?" Ryan asked once again

"I'm saying this once, so, take notes brothern. Santa is taking our dear mother away, so, we're going to knock him from his sleigh. He'll be hurt and down he'll go, then we'll threaten him in the snow. We'll tell him to run and never come back"

"Can we also have him get us a snack?"

"Ryan!"

"What, I didn't get to eat"

"We'll find something for you on the street"

And with that she grabbed him and pulled away. It was with a sigh Ryan spoke, "this is gonna be a very, long day."

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**REVIEW!!!!!**


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